Heyyyyyy! It’s been a minute. Today I wanted to focus on traveling as an adult who has children but isn’t taking them with. Mark and I had a trip to the Cayman Islands planned for months. Whenever a child was laying on the floor in Target or screaming over not getting the right Elsa fork, I closed my eyes and imagined myself on the beach with a generously poured mojito. I focused for two months on nothing but escaping all of my responsibilities.
Fast forward to our 6 day trip. The preparation that I had to do in order to leave my children was out of control. And you know as a mother, Lisa was doing all of the organizing. I had a two person rotation at our home at all times (so that no one person was miserable AND so I could leave again in the future). We had a visual chart of helpers/grandmas, had to write a signed note for medical treatment, I ordered 6 casseroles for delivery, bought an irrational amount of groceries and lost a lot of sleep. We left on a Sunday morning with three other couples, including my sister and her husband and the first couple of days were glorious…. and then…I missed my children in a way that was truly cruel. All I could think about was all of the adorable things they do, how they were probably suffering terribly without me, how we would surely die in a boating accident, plane crash or some other horrendous thing and they would obviously never remember me. I kept picturing the fact that our will hadn’t been totally finalized, so everyone would be fighting over the kids and some hobo was going to end up raising them in a trash can.
Lets be clear, I had a great time. But this is a perfect example of what being a mother is. All you want to do is be free of your responsibilities every once in a while, act like a moron (I did, don’t worry) and get a break. Instead, you end up feeling guilty about leaving them, feel bad for the people that are taking care of them and think about what a crap parent you are. I try to remind myself that this happens rarely and that their are people who legitimately don’t have any of these thoughts, so I must be winning in the grand scheme of things, but JEZUZ.
The second point I’d like to make is that when you’re 34 and you rarely have the opportunity to “send it”, as the cast of Summer House would say, you have no idea what you’re doing. All of us are used to taking care of our kids, and while we let loose from time to time, no one knows what to do with themselves when they don’t have to wake up at 7am to start cutting food all day. While our memories tell us we can drink 12 hours straight and come through it unscathed, our bodies remind us rapidly that we ARE NOT 19 ANYMORE. I would tell you exactly who were the hot messes, but most all of us had at least one such moment…like I potentially drunk cried at a nice dinner one night. Potentially. Vacation is crazy, especially if you pretend your liver is still in its teens. The bad news is, it isn’t. The good news is, we’re idiots and will probably do it again.