Everyone Is Lying

Do you see that picture up there? That’s how I feel every morning of my life after I get all of my children dressed, fed, loaded in my minivan (ugh, more about this later) and delivered to each of their rooms at “school” (daycare). By the way, the above pic was taken while I was using the potty. One of the many places that you will never be alone at ever again if you’re a parent.

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If it’s not completely obvious, I love my children. I think they’re the most beautiful, perfect creatures to ever walk the face of the earth. I’d cut any of you reading this for them. BUT, no one wants to hear about that. Those stories are not as entertaining as the stories about meltdowns, breakdowns, tantrums and flip-outs.

The thing that they don’t tell you in your child-birth class is that the birthing is the easy part. That’s right. That gigantic thing coming out of your tiny vagay is easier than say…getting your four-year old dressed for school.

If all of the single 24 year olds that I know had to endure ONE MORNING of what I experience BEFORE I EVEN GET TO WORK, they would quit at life (as I would have as a 24 year old who loved CSI benders, gin and excessive amounts of sleep).

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So, getting back to the title of this post…EVERYONE is lying. You know that lady in your office who only talks about how sweet and wonderful her children are? She’s lying (or on drugs). Those children on Instagram with the perfect hair and the perfect clothes, they don’t exist. That’s one picture out of 25 that their parents took while doing backflips and making weird animal noises while offering bribes. Being a parent is hard as f@ck. My girls are the best, but they can also be the absolute WORST. Remember that the next time you tell a parent of small children how exhausted you are from your night of 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. You have permission to be tired too. We (I’m speaking for all parents here) just don’t want to hear about it.

blair xmas

 

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